The Dramatic Irony of Two Obliviously Gay Best Friends
by QuestionableIntentions
Summary: What if Jeremy hadn't turned his optic nerve blocking back on? What if he'd gone with Michael instead? Boyf riends. Gay as hell. Please enjoy.


**A/N-Hey guys! This is a rewrite of _Upgrade._ I hope you like it! (Vaguely inspired by 4/20.)**

* * *

"We've gotta celebrate! We've gotta get stoned in my basement!"

 _I already know what it's like to be the loser. I should find out what it's like to…not be the loser. I don't wanna be special. I just wanna be chill as life will allow. Should I take the upgrade?_

Michael looked back at Jeremy, eyes sparkling with excitement.

"You comin'?"

"…Yeah."

 ** _What? Jeremy, this isn't part of the plan. You need to upgrade. To upgrade, you have to cut Michael loose. He's dead weight by now._**

 _Shut up._

 ** _What did you just say?_**

 _I said shut up. I'm not "cutting Michael loose." He's—_

 ** _You…like him. You like him?_**

It was unusual for the SQUIP to sound surprised, and even more so when it came to Jeremy's love interest…s. Generally, he was entirely nonplussed when Jeremy thought about Christine. Now, he seemed almost shocked.

 _Yes. But no one can know. The whole reason I got you was so that I wouldn't get called "fag" in the hallways anymore._

 ** _Did people already know?_**

 _No, they were just being dickheads. But they can't find out._

 ** _Understood. That's why you need Christine._**

 _Yes. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm about to get high off my ass with my best friend._

 ** _Not if I have anything to say about it._**

Jeremy's legs froze up, and he stopped walking. Michael had been next to him, and kept going for a few seconds before he realized Jeremy was standing a few feet back.

He saw the look of frustration and fear in his best friend's eyes.

"You okay, Jer?"

"I can't go with you."

 ** _Yes._**

This was Jeremy's chance. The SQUIP's guard was down.

"The SQUIP's not letting me."

 ** _You're going to regret that, Jeremy._**

 _I was trying to give him something to blame._

 ** _Sure you were._**

Michael's face set into a look of determination.

"Okay. Um, do you want a drink before you go wherever that thing tells you?"

"…Sure, why not?"

 ** _Might as well let him have some closure before you leave him._**

 _Sure._

Michael handed Jeremy his red and black water bottle. Jeremy took a sip and smiled. He'd had this before, when Michael had made him try some while waiting for a shipment of Crystal Pepsi to come in at Spencer's. It was the familiar taste of Mountain Dew Red.

A split second later, he fell to the floor, holding his head. The kids crowding the hallway moved out of the way, having heard about Jeremy's "episode" at the mall by now. Rich dropped to the floor too, hugging the chemistry textbook he had been getting from his locker. They both started screaming and a couple of girls ran off to go get teachers.

 ** _.zauhfknzxoeuuehdkaoe9ujh835380resjweshsfk98eu34ujwefsdjfussddhlkrwoperuoisdhfaljhpqiutoi34ejrksnnvx;kger3289ywlslkfs;ldgkodiguehsfnslnkdf; 9eufhfjkssk;jaoy78rre374896435uiertykdjhflkjo87r34uhfklskdllfjvudsfsbbczkodfguder7e43iyhfdjckhsnclsfdayt;eoiupworuggjfkldnc;aldfjkljd, ,vileruo3iwrjlkvx_**

Jeremy couldn't hear his own screaming. The static in his head overpowered everything.

* * *

Suddenly, everything was bright and there was a rhythmic beeping in Jeremy's ear.

"Jer? You good?"

Jeremy blinked a few times, adjusting his eyes to the fluorescent lights of the hospital.

"What happened?"

"You and Rich both fell to the ground and started screaming, and a few girls went and grabbed teachers, and they sent you to the hospital. I'm sure you have a huge headache. Is…is the SQUIP gone?"

"Yeah, my head really hurts. I'm kind of afraid to find out if the SQUIP is still there. Where's Rich?"

"Over here, bro!"

"How you feelin'?"

"Like shit. But from now on, the girls will be able to love the _real_ Rich Goranski…and the dudes. Oh my God, I'm totally _bi_."

Jeremy and Michael laughed.

"And Jeremy?"

"Yeah, Rich?"

"Well, it doesn't have to leave this room if you don't want it to, but I happened to notice the huge amount of dramatic irony here."

"What do you mean?"

"You and Michael are both _very clearly_ gay for each other, but you're both either too oblivious or too scared to do anything about it."

 _Jesus Christ._

"Ummm, can it not leave this room?"

"Sure, dude."

 _Rich isn't this nice. He's never been this nice. I wonder how long he had his SQUIP._

As Rich and Jeremy's reconciliation commenced in front of him, Michael stumbled back into a terrible plastic hospital chair in a state of shock. He'd thought Jeremy would deny it. He'd thought Rich would be disgusted. He'd thought…he'd thought Jeremy, his secret crush of three years, would make a face and say 'No way dude, I'm not gay.' But instead, he'd just asked Rich not to out him.

Hoooooly _fuck_. Michael needed to get shitfaced.

* * *

Michael had gotten himself and Jeremy into his basement (finally) and he lit up. Jeremy generally didn't smoke unless he was also drunk, so Michael had stolen a bottle of vodka to bring downstairs too. He tossed the bottle he was holding so it landed on Jeremy's beanbag.

"You got this for me?"

Jeremy was messing with him, he knew, but he played along.

"Why yes, my friend, I got it just for you. Now give it, I want some."

They both laughed and Jeremy twisted the cap open, taking a sip. He coughed once and smiled.

"God, I missed this."

"I missed _you_."

"Missed you too."

The elephant in the room was growing bigger and bigger. After half an hour, Jeremy was drunk enough to start talking about it.

"So you're gay."

"Um…yep."

"I'm gay too, I think. Except I really liked Brooke and Christine."

"That's a thing, dude. That's what Rich is. Bi."

"Oh. Cool."

Michael was high enough to not want to crawl into a hole and die during this conversation, but he was sober enough to mean it when he asked, "Can I try something?"

Jeremy wasn't all that drunk either, but he was considerably less wary of that statement than he normally would have been. So he nodded, and watched Michael scootch his beanbag closer.

Michael dropped what was left of his joint into an old soda bottle and lifted himself off of his beanbag and on to Jeremy's so he was practically sitting on the other boy's lap.

Jeremy's eyebrows raised slowly, weighed down by alcohol and confusion. Michael awkwardly shifted so he was straddling Jeremy's legs, each knee touching the ground on either side of the beanbag.

"Tell me if this is too much, okay?"

Jeremy nodded, eyes shining in the dim basement.

Michael leaned down slowly, eyes open, and did what he'd been dreaming about since three years ago when he'd first noticed Jeremy's thin, pretty lips.

The kiss was amazing. Jeremy felt like he'd been seeing through a veil his whole life and the veil had suddenly been torn away. He put his hands around the back of Michael's neck and pulled him closer.

Michael poked his tongue out just a little and ran it over Jeremy's bottom lip, making Jeremy mumble something.

"What?"

"Mmm. I love you."

Michael's eyes filled with tears, and a couple dripped onto Jeremy's cheek. This made Jeremy's eyes start spilling over too as Michael smiled and wiped both of their faces with the sleeve of his hoodie.

"I love you too."

"I could say that a million times and never get tired of it."

Michael nodded as he stood up. Jeremy made grabby hands at him to come back to the beanbag, but Michael just took his hands and pulled him up too.

"C'mon. We've gotta go tell Rich about this."


End file.
